Somewhere in a downtown Salt Lake office, Shane McFalls is grumbling about export quality, but then again, he’s the asshole shooting with the VHS camera. Nonetheless, were glad the Montage boys got to hit an enormous jump, although Malone was nowhere to be seen. Also, Parker White is still skiing good, so you should help him out by drinking Monster until your kidneys bleed so that his sponsors can feel his contract is validated. He doesn’t go to the X Games, ya know! Also, congratulations are owed to Team BroBomb member Jon Hartman, who made one tepid step towards adulthood by getting engaged to his long-time woman in a dirty back alley filled with broken bottles in Reykjavik, which for you dummies out there is in a country called Iceland. Not Ireland. In accordance with satanic cult marriage rituals, BroBomb will be using all 2013 merchandise revenue to fund the purchase of unborn fetuses, which will be feasted upon at the wedding to honor the unholy matrimony in front of our dark angel, Lord Lucifer, evil prince of darkness. So…. why don’t a few of you go ahead and buy some Mike tees and sticker packs? We’re running a killer deal that only traditionally religious people with distaste for dark evil would not get down with.
Although we saw him on Team Ganja Force during the Masters this spring, we were too drunk to see if he even skied at all. Nonetheless, Mik D. got back on them skis and threw enough tricks to let us know that his making-so-little-effort-you’d-think-Id-zeach-or-scorp style is still up to the task. According to Inspi-YAHD TO DA WERLD Media:
“After fours years of absence on the snow, here is a little edit from Mickael Deschenaux-Comte filmed over a few hours in March during the orage masters 2013 in Sun Valley ID, he is not planning on be back as a pro-skier but definitely come back and shred a lot more, already having a trip planned to Saas-Fee this summer to shot more, in the meantime head over to his page to follow what he has been up to outside of the ski world , official ambassador & distributor of “Jilted Royalty” the UK based street wear brand, Vocalist in the Metalcore-HxC band called “Edesse”, the management of the shop “Crimson Needlez” in Luzern Switzerland where he works as a body piercer-Modifier, the featurings he has been recording in hip-hop with such faces as Ceekay Jones and more in all these projects he has been achieving.”
To follow the most exciting impending European comeback since Candide, be fan to fan boy it up at https://www.facebook.com/mickjilted, and make sure to keep your shrimp tacos down if extensive body piercing or tattooing makes you uncomfortable.
Everyone talks about wanting to go to Alaska and wanting to do all these dumb and insanely terrifying lines down blind spines and blah blah blah but you know what I want to do? Go somewhere where there’s a ton of cliffs and rollers and where I can try any trick off any cliff or roller and have no consequence if I fuck up. Then I might actually try the bio spin that takes place at 4:00 and land the 2nd bio spin to ever be attempted since 2007, when everyone stopped doing that trick. By the way, for anyone keeping track, Flo Bastien and Pa Chedal (can’t be a real name) are not skiing on next year’s skis and in fact, the company manufacturing one of their pairs of skis has gone completely bankrupt. 1 point scored for the amateurs , -1 point for Sochi.
You know you suck at park skiing when you’re too pussy to wear a tee shirt and no gloves in the spring because you’re worried about getting rug burn and cold hands. I’ll be the first to admit as much so the rest of you cowards don’t have to.
What the hell is going on this week?!?!? It seems that every skier worth watching dropped their best edit of the season, even if it was just a single trick. While we’d been scraping the bottom of the barrel in April for content, now there’s some stupid good video popping on Facebook every ten minutes. Enough already! If you’re sitting on an edit as good as anything we’ve already posted so far this week, please, for the love of god, hold onto it for now. We’re running out of gas writing witty comments for all these videos and would also love not to have to go back to postung edit battle between two amateurs who spend the whole video coming off the rail early to do a front 2.
Internal dialogue, translated into English: “Hey American nerds! First of all, you guys are all pussies for not playing slalom with the t-bar line and terrifying every living person at the mountain by jumping over them, and also for wearing helmets. Second, I’m so goddamn good at skiing my GoPro edits don’t even need songs to be incredible. Quiksilver doesn’t even bother! Your Andrew Whiteford is trying way too hard.”
Boom! It’s a big week for the BroBomb Edit Battle section. First we had McNutt going head to head with Shay Lee, with fewer people opting for the handjob option than expected. Only 24 hours later we’re dropping two of the hottest tricks of May 2013 – Adam Delorme’s cork 5 to tailslide (?) vs. Grigory Fuzeev’s hand-drag dub flat 7. And hey, Nick Goepper did a triple! Must’ve been all those secret moon water injections aboard the Red Bull helicarrier, which is currently sending mind control rays from its secret base in the South China Sea. At any rate, it’s time to go head to head for the best single trick of the week. Is it Delorme’s 2018-level tail butter (future butter?)…