“The Disabled List” is a new weekly feature. The next two will be written by unfortunate sufferers of knee and boot/foot injuries. Enjoy!

Mel Gibson probably gets the honor for “Most Famous Shoulder Dislocation of All Time,” although there are a few other movie dislocations in the running. They’re all pure bullshit. Without fail there’s plenty of screaming, writhing in pain, and dramatic relocation via slamming the shoulder into things. The howls of agony are more or less accurate (for the first dislocation anyway), but slamming your shoulder into a wall is about the last thing on your mind.

My first dislocation happened my senior year of high school. I had strained the shoulder and suffered a subluxation while playing football. The bone in my upper-arm came out, and stayed out, later that year at NJ’s own Mountain Creek. I threw my right arm up awkwardly and that sucker popped right out. It was agonizing and by far the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. I couldn’t get it back in, and ski patrol didn’t even try. After an hour or so we got into the emergency room and a team of two nurses and a doctor arranged themselves around me and yanked it back in. It’s about as horrible as you can imagine it would be.

Afterwards, they’ll put you in a sling for a bit and schedule some physical therapy. This is a joke. Your shoulder will never be the same again. As a skier, it’s unlikely you will quit all dangerous activities, and thus you’re destined to re-injure your now Gumby-like shoulder. It’ll get to the point where you’re dislocating it in your sleep, or while pulling on a sweatshirt. The pain is less, and you become an expert relocator. Surgery is inevitable.

The surgery is arthroscopic and involves three very small incisions. It’s not too bad, but having zero mobility in your arm for about three weeks is a pain in the ass. This is followed by some prescribed PT, which involves those really cool electric shock machines and lots of internal/external rotation exercises. You’ll be told never to ski again, or at the very least to take a full season off. If you mention sliding rails, you’re an idiot, and the doctor will say so in as nice a way as possible.

I didn’t take a season off. After I got out of that sling and did some PT, I felt like a million bucks. I went right back out and slid those early season rails we all love. Anybody who’s still reading probably had a similar experience, and I know your ass was back out there sliding rails too.

I naturally slide rails left-foot forward, placing my injured right shoulder to the backside. We were hiking that ubiquitous early-season flatbar, and I was feeling good. On the last lap I didn’t have my weight even, and I slipped out, right onto that reconstructed wonder of modern medicine. I felt the pop and crunch of a subluxation, and all that hope turned to a steaming pile of dogshit inside me. It’s a horrible feeling.

Tall-T friendly. Emo zip-up hoodie? Not so much.

Do you want to avoid that feeling? Of course you do, but you aren’t going to listen to me or a doctor when we tell you to take a season off. I don’t blame you; none of us is getting any younger. So here’s what you do: wear a brace for at least one season. Braces suck, but if you don’t wear it for the first season you’ll be stuck wearing it for life (or until your next surgery) like me. There are all kinds of braces, but I’ve included a pic of the one I use. It’s a bitch to relearn balance and grabs, but it’s possible. I promise. The other step is to learn how you tend to fall, and ski in a way that protects that shoulder. For instance, I tend to slip out (to my back shoulder) on rails. So I have to slide rails right-foot forward, so if I do slip out it will be onto my semi-uninjured left shoulder.

There are different types of dislocation, so you’ll have to figure out what motions make your’s pop. A high-end compression brace might work better for you, it’s an expensive game of trial and error, but it beats re-injury.

The last line of prevention is exercise. Doctors will stress PT resistance exercises with Therabands. I do them on the regular, but I can’t really claim it does much. They aren’t going to take the place of a brace while you ski, but they probably help more with everyday life.

If you’ve got a shoulder injury and you want to ask some questions, hit me up: jon@brobomb.com. Please share your experiences in the comments. I’ve been wearing a brace for two seasons now, and I still don’t have a second surgery scheduled. I’d love to hear from a surgery veteran who can supply some input there.