Pro websites are so hot right now. A profile and a few funny quotes on your sponsor’s page used to be enough, but these guys are brands unto themselves these days. Somewhere between the Dinner Roll and the Doublecork 12, skiers started taking themselves very seriously. It’s a cold world and every competitor can easily be pushed aside for the next Scandinavian 16-year-old at any moment. In an effort to establish themselves as more than trick jockeys, the pro ranks have turned to dot.coming their names and erecting cyber monuments to their own achievements.
As a fan, you have no idea how to navigate this new internet pantheon of ski icons. Where to start? Should you even bother with these websites, or just stick to what you know? Well, BroBomb’s got your back with a foolproof ranking of the best new sites. Humor is so hot right now, so I’ll be rating them for intentional and unintentional hilarity, as well as amount of useful information, and the degree of vanity that has gone into each self-serving web destination.
We’ll start with TJSchiller.com. TJ is from Canada, but he shunned his national “.ca” heritage for the less-weird dot com.
Vanity: TJ takes the cake on this one. The homepage is one giant picture of either TJ in action, or his big grinning Canadian mug. The purpose of this is to imprint that image onto your brain. He won’t be throwing 1440’s forever, but when it comes time to make a move on the announcing/commentary circuit he’ll have you brainwashed into liking him. Smiles are contagious to primates, when you see a smile it makes you want to smile. Therefore, you’ll smile when you see him hyucking it up on EXPN. We all know TV ratings are based on smile power, so he’ll have it in the bag.
Unintentional Humor: It’s really a pretty dry site that does little other than provide links to TJ’s Twitter and Facebook. I found it mildly funny that he felt the need to include a bio that more or less states how he skis in contests and gets to fly in helicopters. Don’t give away too much TJ.
Intentional: Well there’s the Contest Winner/Chug Life video. There are at least two guys who think that shit’s a knee slapper. Otherwise, humor free.
Vanity: Well the ass on the cartoon vixen Colby’s clutching is probably a touch out of his league, but you can’t fault dude for trying.
Comedy: I’m going to combine this category as Colby’s website really isn’t about his skiing at all; it’s purely a promo for his joke videos. Whether or not any of it is funny hinges on one question: What is the endgame for Mr. West?
“My Friend is a Pro” used to be funny, and his Epic Pass ad still is. Colby does above-average impersonations, and seems to have a knack for big joke comedy. Does he aspire to a career in mainstream comedy? It’s a long shot, but he could probably eek out a living doing ski-film cameos while waiting for his big break. The other possibility is that his ambition goes no further than a recurring gig as Matchstick’s annual skit jester. It’s a safer bet, but a pretty sad end for anybody. If that’s the case then he gets a zero for humor, because it’s downright depressing.
I say go for it Colby, be the first skier to break out into mainstream showbiz. That asshole Dane Cook filled arenas with bro-comedy, you’ve got to shoot for the stars.
Vanity: This guy truly believes that being a blonde, blue-eyed, Montana-born Rasta isn’t an oxymoron. Can you be batshit crazy and vain? Not sure.
Intentional Comedy: 0
Unintentional: Through the damn roof! If you’re going to do the white-Rasta thing, you better damn-well go all the way. Tanner actually writes in Jamaican patois. He’s like a walking case study in the upper class co-opting the rebellion of the underclass a.k.a “white kids acting black.”
There’s a very important message in there somewhere: “If you have any questions or suggestions just hit a bredda up…I just had to get someting up so we could start pumpin dat FIRE!!! Hope all is bless. RESPECT!!!”
