I guess Olympic coverage is obligatory right now. The slipping ratings and questionable national relevance of these hallowed games aside, they’re still a pretty big deal. Then there’s the question of whether or not ski superpipe will make it in next time.

To be perfectly honest, I couldn’t care much less if ski superpipe makes it to the big stage. I have a hard enough time sitting through the X-Games; the Olympics would just be another event I have to pretend to care about. If you are one of these people who are still deluded enough to think that “freestyle” and competition can coexist, check out this article about baggy pants rules. Or check out some extreme commentary on that article.

Nonetheless, it does seem pretty ridiculous that there are no skiers up there in Whistler with that red Shaun person. Like everything though, it’s all business. There’s only so much airtime and there’s no way to speed up curling. That said, no NBC executive worth his weight in Conans would turn down an action packed double-sport. It’s more for less; simple economics. Nordic combined is going strong, so all we’ve got to do is a little freestyle-combined and we’re in the game baby!

I dug deep into the BroBomb Archives and discovered a little thing called Skijoring. It’s the original extreme Olympic sport. Back in 1928 these rad dudes were getting towed around by horses in pursuit of that sweet, sweet Gold. It’s been discontinued for the past 80 years, but what better time to bring it back?

Work with me here—you’ve got Simon Dumont behind his favorite pony dropping into the pipe. Not only is there a cute and cuddly horse to distract the public from the rebellious nature of his baggy pants, but there’s shit tons of amplitude. Amplitude! Naturally the skijoring-combined High Air is next, and we’re on the board with two totally extreme Olympic offerings.

U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!