What happens when you gather a handful of athletes that take themselves too seriously, throw in a gaggle of media personnel that would never dare deflate the egos of those they so proudly call friends, and one bizarre Swedish diva event host? JOSS, of course. Add a once-in-a-century volcanic eruption that strands all those chuckleheads in Europe, and you’ve got a volatile combination.
Just by writing this I run the real risk of giving you the impression that any of this matters. It doesn’t. However, the situation with Team America releasing their edit too early, Jon writing a strongly worded letter, and then Tom and Simon’s agents writing a pretty silly response for them has really helped me understand what is so annoying about our sport’s primadonnas.
Initially I had thought it was just their jockish nature. But that always came up a bit hollow. I have plenty of friends that suffer from the affliction of jockism, and while they might be too eager to talk about stats, standings, and deadlifts, they tend to be pretty good guys. The difference is in the sport. Not only does Simon Dumont make a living at a discipline that is more like gymnastics than football, but he does it entirely alone; that’s where the trouble lies. Now there are plenty of sports where you compete alone, but they tend to have some sort of partner system. Take boxing for example, you don’t have a team in that ring, but during training you’ve got sparring partners and coaches to drill with. There’s a socialization process.
Simon and Tom didn’t win, so they took their ball (the edit) and went home (Youtube). In the letter they explain that the criteria for judging the edits were changed without their knowledge. I guess that’s a legitimate gripe, but boys- this ain’t the Olympics. It’s fucking JOSS! The guy named the event after himself. If he wants to make a rule that says, “Simon Dumont will have one point deducted for every inch that he is shorter than me,” he damn well can. That’s the whole reason egomaniacs like Jon name events after themselves.
For a final sports simile: JOSS is like the MLB All-Star game. If Roy Halladay decided to walk off the field with two outs in the inning because the umpire’s strike zone was too small, we’d all agree that he was being douchey. Well Tom and Simon, you’re being douchey. This is an invitation event, you can just say no next year. I hear the Orage Masters is more fun anyway.