It’s been a long season of competitions, and let me tell you—ignoring them all is really hard work. We can all sing a happy song now that the Dumont Cup is over, and that ego-fest out in Sweden will be wrapping up in the next couple months. I’ll keep praying that those two budgets get rolled into one massive Jon/Simon strokefest DVD, making them easier to ignore, but in the meantime we can all bask in the pink glory that is the Orage Masters.

Skiing’s only no-trampoline-required competition is almost upon us. It’s a sad state of affairs that we only have one anti-comp style event, but for this weekend it beats the shit out of pretending to care about who is lipsliding Jon’s cannon box. This is the sentence where I’d like to say that I’m hopping on a plane for Whistler tomorrow and I’ll be live streaming the event using some technology I don’t know about. However, until the iPad reinvents the internet and makes me a millionaire, the BroBomb travel budget is tapped for this winter. I hear user-generated content is the new thing, so feel free to film the event for us. We’d love that.

For the uninitiated, this thing goes down in a team format and the following will be represented: Amplid, Armada, Line, Volkl, K2, Surface, and Salomon. Each team has provided some hints towards their themes, and Twitter tells me that Surface will be rocking it Dead Head style. For those still unsure what to do for a theme, let me help:

The topical theme always wins at Halloween parties, and the Masters is no different. So what you do is go with the all-too-obvious Tiger Woods theme. You’ll need one fuzzy tiger outfit, one angry-blonde wife with a golf club, and a gaggle of backup bimbos. It’s cheap, easy, and even Canadians are likely to get it.

Telluride Tuesdays with Garrett usually runs in this spot, so we’ll end it with a quote from our favorite person who is banned from Canada:

“I don’t really have the connections, but Pat Bridges hooks me up and I can go ride any snowboard superpark, but yet I don’t get invited to any ski shit, you know? I don’t get it. I would love to see what would happen if I got invited to something like the Orage Masters. I think Jay (Levinthal) and those guys are like, ‘No, no Garret you don’t compete, we don’t want you to.’ But on the inside I’m like, ‘I want to show what I can do.’”

So Canada, stop being so lame and let bygones be bygones. LINE, you need to find a way to get Garrett to the Masters, skiing needs this.