Skiing has become home to some of the more bizarre examples of snow thuggery. It’d be hard to name a video (not you TGR) that doesn’t have someone twisting their fingers up into some sort of meaningless symbol. That said, you’ll be surprised to hear that I think we need way more gangsterism. Way more.

We recently did an interview with a dude that prides himself on being rather “hood” or whatever silly word he used. When Ryan asked him what the most ghetto thing he ever did was, he responded, “We met some crazy cats in Boston that own a clothing shop. They took our photo and put it up next to a photo of Ludacris.” Sounds scary.

With ski thuggery in such a sad state, here are a few tips to help you actually scare a few people:

• Drop the damn sewing needles: Your home-stitched tall hoodie says, “I am in my mom’s church sewing club,” not “thug life.” Once you’ve sat down with needle, thread, and some fabulous purple fabric that you found at the craft store, your thug bonafides are dead forever.
• Neck lifts: When your chicken neck pops out from all that huge outerwear, it’s a dead giveaway. If you’re really going to scare somebody, they’ll need to believe that you’re filling out that jacket with dieselness, not six baselayers and four tall-T’s.
• Tattoos: Now that you’ve got your linebacker neck, you’ll need some trashy ink. The neck is a prerequisite for thuggin’, and it’s the only spot you can reasonably flash at a camera when you’re suited up in ski gear. A baby-mama’s name in cursive or that sad-Jesus face will do just fine.

Just a few more necklifts and he's good.

• Go foreign: Russian, Polish, whatever…Eastern European accents are pretty scary. If some stupid website starts asking you about the most “hood” thing you ever did, you just get all KGB on ‘em and refuse to talk.
• Try hick: If you suck at accents, just be a solid American hick-thug. Just find a recipe for meth on the internet and have at it. A turf war with your local biker gang will toughen you up in a hurry. You can wear the same tall-T’s, but they’ll need to be stained up a bit. Cigarettes and Insane Clown Posse are mandatory, but the rest is really open to your imagination.

• Cut that damn hair: Sit down in that barber’s chair and get your shit shaped up. Long hair makes people think you wear that tall-T to enhance your hippie dancing at Phish shows.
• Stop skiing: Seriously, it’s a country club sport. Less than 5% of people in this world could even afford a lift ticket. All those edits will just be ammo for the rappers you’re going to battle in your post-pro life.

Jon "McFee" McMurray- still living down the Fizzle Flip.