If there’s one thing BroBomb can get behind, it’s corporate sponsorship. We love that shit. As the voice of skiing’s little guy, we are constantly on the prowl for new opportunities to put your health at risk while putting some cash in your pockets. It’s a tough sell, but there are some products that are just a natural fit.
I’m proud to announce skiing’s newest phenomenon: Four Loko. This crap has everything a skier could want in a sponsor…bright colors, serious health risks, hood credentials, and ENERGY out the ass! We’re talking about 12% alcohol by volume and some taurine, guarana, and caffeine thrown in to beat your liver into submission. All those pussies with Snus sponsors will be totally jealous. There’s an added cool bonus due to its apparent popularity with the dirty punk rock squatter set, and its availability at my local corner bodega seems to suggest that the brown paper bag crowd digs it too.
You’ll need to send in your “sponsor me” tapes quickly as there are some rumors that the US government might be banning liquid crack in the near future. Make sure your tape is extremely extreme, none of that style shit. It’s gotta be club music, seizure inducing editing, and big stunts.
Here’s their address, if you’ve got the balls. Please, please, please tell me what they say when you send them your season edit.
Drink Four Brewing Company
1658 North Milwaukee Ave Suite 424
Chicago, Illinois 60647
I say let the gutter punks drink it, maybe it’ll thin the herd just the way darwin would’ve wanted.
Ohhh… Its on!
They told me they were looking into new groups to market toward and skiing sounded like a great idea… hello major sponsor.
I heard Moment Skis in Reno was working on a collab with them. Man, soo forward thinking…
That would be a conflict with our PBR media sponsorship… unless we can get an actual contract with them. Hipster Don Draper is on it and yes, very popular with the crustpunk/hipster crowd. I never thought it could get worse than Joose.
No love for sparks? That stuff’s been ruining lives and livers for years and gives you gnarly sparkinsons hangovers.
sparkinsons? michael j crunk? hot possie just lets the bull pee on us. straight taurine. or adrenaline glands. always from humans of course.
justin: sparks took their alcohol out. now its just another run of the mill energy drink. i am sad at this because we used to play sparks pong to get all amped up while still getting drunk before a long night of clubbin. “uhns uhns uhns” (fist pumps while i typed that last part)
Chad: not sure where you live, but in Philly Sparks is still full of alcohol and the free drink of choice given out at all the dance parties.
I want to go on a Four Loko brewery tour and see how they make this crazy poison!
Holy motherfucking shit, that is where it’s at.
haven’t tried four loko but after discovering the belligerence caused by JOOSE (same gig, 24 oz, 12% abv, loads of caffeine), i think i’m going to hold off on this one. something about going nearly blind and having the urge to throw haymakers at inanimate objects makes me seriously question the intentions of products like these.
Ingredients:
-8 parts condensed malt liquor serum
-6 parts Fanta
-3 parts scorpion blood and/or venom
-1 part crystalized adderall
-1 part natural flavors
I shotgunned a Sparks one time on The Ski Show. I’m pretty sure I almost gave birth to a gremlin the next day.
well, i was granted the luxury of enjoying (?) some four loko this weekend while celebrating amurika’s birthday. i had the lemonade and watermelon flavors. the lemonade was tolerable; watermelon was a struggle with every sip. the stuff definitely causes a different kind of drunk, kind of like if you gave a five year old a bunch of pixie stix and had them wash it all down with a shot of moonshine.
the full timeline of my fourloko experience during the spain germany match is forthcoming. it definitely puts a fire in your belly but if don draper can’t sell horsemeat as dogfood, this shit is a lost cause.
I had one of the Raspberry Lemonade variety. I would describe the sensation akin to blowing a line of pixie stick whilst shotgunning a Sparks. Four loko is the present; Sparks is soooo two years go… The fact that Justin drank two is nothing short of disturbing.
There’s also wormwood in 4loco which gives a more cracked out experience. I have seen a kid slam 2 in a row before then puke his brains out but I love the shit. I go grape
That is funny. I think I might buy some of that stuff and feed it to my crazy pitbull and then have her pull me on my longboard.
If this stuff is going to become illegal we should consider stocking up on the stuff. Hey it would be more tangible than the gold standard.