Happy 4^th of July weekend America. For you foreigners, this is a weekend of roman candles, bottle rockets, and other pyrotechnic pleasures. If you live in a place where folks tend to carry guns (the hood and Texas), it’s also a nice time to sit on your porch and listen to people celebrating freedom the old fashioned way—shooting at the sky.

I’ve never tended to think of guns much, as I don’t hunt and I’m not a paranoid militiaman, but the thoughts have been trickling in my brain as if by osmosis. It seems that hipsters are arming themselves, Chicago is going to get a lot more dangerous, and the Supreme Court is OK with it.

Now, I’m not known for being the greatest friend to skiing’s snow thugs, but I figured I’d give you guys a heads up: It’s time to get some goddamn guns! I’m talking about real killing people type guns. Not the shotgun you got from daddy’s closet, but some turn-that-shit-sideways concealable weapons. You’ve already lost the vast majority of your relevance and edginess, but if the tight pants kids start carrying guns before you…well then, it’s time to give it all up (looking at you B Devine, that Gold Bond on a scale ain’t scaring anybody).

Most skiers tend to live in hick ass states where it’s easier to get a gun permit than it is for a minority to vote. So here’s a breakdown of gun laws in popular ski states:

Colorado: Home state of the late gun-freak Hunter S. Thompson; it’s pretty gun friendly. There’s a maximum $100 fee for a concealed weapon permit, and as long as you haven’t committed a felony, gotten a bunch of DUI’s, or had any drug arrests you should be fine.

Utah: Why aren’t you people packing heat yet? If you want to be skiing’s next badass, this is the place to go. If this dude has his way, you won’t even need a permit; just head on down to the Wal-Mart and buy whatever’s on sale.

Vermont: “In a couple of states, like Vermont, citizens can carry a firearm without getting permission, paying a fee, or going through any kind of government- imposed waiting period.” – GunOwners.org. Our friends over at Ice Coast Kills Shit were being way more literal than we would’ve guessed. Be real careful not to snake anybody next time you’re lapping Carinthia, shit is real out there.