1) Post Photos of Yourself Doing Really Questionable Things on Facebook

Nothing says “I need my hobby to start” like seeing your friends post pics on Facebook that make you worry they’ve really lost it in the run-up to shred season. While it’s okay to do things like bake artisan bread in your spare off-season time, if you can’t keep yourself from posting a cute photo of your “Amish White bread with Honey and Oats” on your wall, your friends will be wondering if your sexual orientation is the same as it was last April. Or maybe your action-sports-adrenaline-induced manhood has simply withered into an estrogen-fueled complacency with making baked goods.

2) In Boston? Dress like a Beacon Hill Prick When You Go Out.

For Boston-area rippers, there are precious few weekends left to land a steady sugar momma at the Beacon Hill Pub before you disappear every weekend to bust up 93 to go shred, cutting off any chance of a steady girlfriend to cook you all those fucking meals that you have to prepare when you get home from work.

But for New England, with more nerd consultants making bank, boarding schools, tennis courts, and listings under the name “Buffy” per capita than anywhere else in the nation and a chain of J. Press stores that hawk hand-made madras pants, you have to dress the part to be able to land one of these selective paralegal-soon-to-be-homemaker-types.  Dump the beanie-stank hair, skate shoes and baggy jeans – it’s time for trimmed nails, a clean shave, one of those collared shirts with the horse on the front and a vocabulary that revolves around the words “sailing,” “The Cape,” “MBA,” and “lacrosse.”

If you’re at a loss for how to conduct yourself, just watch this instructional video – these guys’ delivery is a little strong, but just be sure you order a Tom Collins at the bar – no one actually drinks Smirnoff Ice.

3) Eat Mushrooms

When roasted in a skillet with 2 ounces of extra-virgin olive oil, 8 finely-diced shallots, 4 cloves of garlic, and 14 ounces of Worcestershire sauce, a pound of fresh crimini mushrooms, thinly sliced, make a nice glaze for a London Broil.

4) Go See a Ski Movie Premiere

The most obvious and un-inspired option.  If you’re anywhere near a major ski center or metropolitan area, chances are you can stop by a Meatheads, Matchstick, TGR, or Poorboyz premiere to get your fill of people skiing way better than you ever will. Occasional good editing, as well as the chance to make your favorite pro hero sign your face are bonuses. Also you can try and make fun of Cody Townsend, but he might just BroBomb the shit out of you.

In order to spice up the evening, options include pushing and shoving little kids around you without reason during the schwag-toss, making fun of the people who win shit, or go to the after party and tell Ingrid Backstrom that the last time you met her you hit on her really hard… your follow-up better be pretty good though.

You should probably just watch the video I made in the dregs of last ski season though.