Ahhhhh my god it’s fucking JACKET!!!!
Premiere season is a critical time in the amateur ski calendar. You are one step closer to when it actually snows, get to pack a theater with loads of people as uncontrollably excited to go skiing as you are, and get to meet pros. Lots of pros. It’s your one chance all year to spend a few minutes talking like a normal human with Scott Schmidt, Johnny Moseley, or whoever is popular these days. But in order to make sure you come across as the coolest fan they meet all premiere season, there’s a few tricks to the trade. Here’s a guide to meaningful interaction with your subject of idolization that will ensure they might even remember you the next time you see them… at the same premiere next year.
Don’t wear your favorite ski shirt, especially if it’s one you bought in the Jackson Hole gift shop that has some corny slogan ending with a mention of Courbet’s Couloir. Unless you pull off the look of a disinterested hipster, and in that case it will be seen as ironically funny, like buttoning your top button when you’re not wearing a tie.
Do keep a low profile. Don’t clamber for-t shirts thrown from the stage, or throw endless shakas while screaming and yelling about how stoked you are for this movie or this season. Don’t bring a backpack in anticipation of filling it with free crap. Don’t Instagram, and don’t look at your phone too much. Just stare into the distance with a general aloofness mixed with a slight tinge of pleasure.
Do stay in the low-trafficked areas of the venue. The pros will be getting hit up for photos and autographs six ways from Sunday, and at one point or another will be desperate to escape.
Do act cool. Be confident. I know you’re surrounded by pros for the only time all year, but remaining relaxed before, during, and after any potential interactions with said pros will elevate your stature among the crowd.
Do get buzzed; it will help you relax. Don’t get drunk until after the premier, though.
Don’t act overly excited about skiing during the first bouts of the conversation. Stay calm and cool. Direct the conversation elsewhere to maintain the impression of being “over it” – like your gaper buddy with the 70 flex boots is the one who dragged you here, but you couldn’t care less.
Do be very subtle about your idolization of the specific pro. Being specific is the best bet and will come across as a genuine compliment instead of making you sound like a spazz. Swap “Oh my god you’re my hero!!!!!” for “Man, that line where you threw the three tail you into the chute and then powered that left turn off the bergschrund and under your slush was wiiiild!” You’re limited to one compliment, however.
Don’t ask for an autograph. Or carry a poster of the movie. If you really want one for your dorm room, snag one on the way out.
Don’t buy your favorite pro a drink. They drink for free. Plus buying drinks for another guy you just met (if you’re both heterosexual) is weird.
*For you women out there, none of this applies to you. The pro guys live in ski towns, remote lodges, or tents most of the year away from warm female bodies and will gladly talk to you. The pro ladies will just be stoked to see other chicks who are stoked on skiing.