Tom Finn’s 2013 Skier of the Year Predictions

By Dunfee11 Comments

by reader Tom Finn

Everyone loves a comeback. Tanner Hall, Candide Thovex, and CR Johnson are just some of the athletes who have returned from horrific injuries to the top of the sport of freeskiing. With the X-Games now over and contest season in full-swing, I’d like to air my predictions for those most likely to make a comeback and be seen gracing the pages of magazines as “2013 Skier of the Year.”

Colby James West

Photo from Jacob Wester’s blog.

More known for his late night infomercials and comedic personality than skiing prowess, Colby is fresh off a busy filming season where he appeared in exactly zero movies. We are going to guess that he spent all of that free time training to represent his native New Hampshire for the USA in the debut of slopestyle at the Sochi Olympics. West escaped the collapse of CoreUpt skis just in time to launch his bespoke line with that Austrian company whose name everyone mispronounces as “castle“. He is likely now riding on equipment that will not delaminate in mere hours. The extra training time and updated gear should make him a serious contender for the AFP points total this year.

Peter Olenick

Photo from Empire Attire

So cool that Ian “Chug” Cosco has a tattoo of him on his back as well as one of  the oldest freestyle skiers still competing (nearly as old as Tanner Hall) Peter used a particularly interesting training regime to prepare for his return to the sport. Unfortunately, his supplement of choice is banned by the USADA and FIS (just ask Bode Miller) so if he is thinking about competing at Sochi he should better check into rehab (we hear Tanner Hall has a wonderful recommendations list). When he is not getting stupid drunk (see 08:25), Peter runs the clothing brand no one on Newschoolers would be caught dead wearing, Eira. He can rest assured that his other clothing sponsor Voleurz will gladly take over once Eira goes belly up. Barring that, maybe Fireball has room in their budget to sponsor a professional skier. The specific training regime and the potential for future sponsors will likely have Peter at the top of the podium for pipe skiing a year from now.

Posted in: brain hurricane

11 Comments to “Tom Finn’s 2013 Skier of the Year Predictions”

  1. fuck says:

    I can’t believe I wasted my time reading this

  2. The lows says:

    Worthless. No diss to Pete and Colby but that was shit.

  3. Turner says:

    Am I missing something? I like it man, I thought it was some good ol’ fashioned BroBomb satire. Hartley-esque with the hyperlinks.

  4. HOOD CREW-forster says:

    ya this is tight for sure

  5. Colby's Mom says:

    Congrats son! I LOVE YOU! # 1 best son! – Love, Mom

    p.s. we miss you!!!!!

  6. James Punchmaster says:

    Is it too early to nominate Ross Imburgia for “Least Likely to Ski Next Season”?

  7. dbchili says:

    you forgot brad holmes, that dude’s been due for a comeback for like 10 years now

  8. Atlantaski says:

    Peter Olenick is like the Brad Holmes of the Millennial Generation; It was hard to top the douchness that permeated out of Holmes from 99-2003 but Olenick has topped it.

  9. [...] Læs det opfindsomme og sjove indlæg her [...]

  10. Theron says:

    Peter Olenick still skis?

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