It’s the farthest Andy’s ever been from a steady supply of chicken wings. Thank God they have vending machines dispensing french fries, or he might not have made it. Want to know more useless details about the TC Japan trip? Here’s the lowdown from filmboy Shane “Sake” McFalls, who think you should really buy the BroBomb Mid-Season Facemelter Sale Package:

On the indoor ski resort: “It was really icy. I was on Andy’s skis that didn’t have edges, so it wasn’t very fun. It was still a cool idea, it was still fun, but it was crazy icy. They did let us do whatever we wanted. We didn’t have a lot of time, because we had to get to a dinner with a head honcho dude at K2, so we only got a few ours there and only got to move a few things around, but if we had been there a full day it would have been pretty neat. It had a super sketchy pipe and two permanent jumps, and a ton of rails that they’d swap out. But it was solid ice – I couldn’t sidestep up the steepest part.”

On constantly getting kicked out of urban spots: “They take things very literally, like if you’re not using something the way it’s supposed to be used, it’s not okay. It’s definitely not like Sweden or Norway, where you never get kicked out.”

On the infamous Tatsuya, “King of Japan:” “Tatsuya skis for K2 and is the editor of Bravoski, Japan’s freeskiing magazine, and was shooting a story on the TC trip. He’s like a Japanese Jeff Schmuck, he knows everybody and can get stuff for people for free. Going there without a connection would have been really difficult. It would be the most stressful trip ever if you didn’t know anyone. Like we wanted to go to this indoor place and we wanted to to go on our third to the last day, but Tatsuya told us that on certain days there’s no rails in. And we would have driven to this place all the way in Tokyo to ski some flat slope.”

Cole porn

On getting landed on by Cole Drexler: “Cole hit me. I’ve never been hit by a skier before and he landed on me. I thought I broke my wrist, I was so angry. It was just a miscommunication of where he was supposed to go and where I was going to be, and I just saw ski bases coming at my face. I was like ‘Is this really happening? Really, this is about to happen?’ I just moved the camera and then just took it straight on.”

On the resorts’ stereo systems: “The lift towers at every resort are either playing Japanese pop, the same 4 American top 40, or weird creepy, almost Communist-sounding propaganda. They’re just announcements, but they just sound so monotone and you can’t understand anything they’re saying, so it just sounds alien. Or this one lift had this repeat voice of this lady saying ‘You’re about to get to the top; prepare to get off” over and over. You could hear that everywhere. It must be so annoying to work at that lift.”

Food porn.

On the food: “I was either in love with the food or repulsed by it –there wasn’t a lot of middle-ground food.” Favorites – noodles, ramen, sushi. Not so – squid, octopus. “It’s not surprising to me that there’s no fat people in that country because they eat real food.

[Andy] still managed to find some fried food, he got some french fries off of one of those conveyor belt sushi places. But everybody went outside their comfort zone with food.”

Shane vs. vending machine

On Japan’s stellar vending machines: “The vending machines are sweet: hot coffee, hot tea, and they’re everywhere. On random corners on the streets, not even in a city. They’re cheaper than US vending machines, and you can get beers or ice cream or hot dogs, or this lemon water that’s really good.”

On vending machine-enabled underage drinking:  “I think they’re just so honest. The drinking age is 19 or 20, but that’s a good question. I think it’s just the honor code. I was more concerned with making a faux pas in the group showers.”

On Niseko’s resident population of Ozzies and Kiwies: “Niseko is overrun by Austrailians. It’s like Whistler. I totally understand though, if I were from Australia or New Zealand I’d probably come to Japan too… definitely way better skiing.”

Huele vs. communal living

On recommendations for your Japan trip: “If you can’t bribe Tatsuya to be your guide, I would learn some basic Japanese… actually, that’s pretty hard. But there’s some apps you can use that you can speak into and translate from English to Japanese, a couple Japanese we ran into used one talking to us. I would plan to spend more time in places; I wish we spent more time in Tokyo. Get an international drivers’ license. And take the boat to the North Island… if you take it during the right time of year, you can see whales, which would be pretty cool. Actually, don’t they hunt whales there? I never thought of that. You can see a whale getting killed maybe.”