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For the droppin science category

May 14

BroBomb Signature Session at Windells

By Ryan Dunfee7 Comments

It’s about this time of year we should be writing about summer camps and where you should spend all of your awesome money to ski.  Assuming you are old (late 20’s) like us and would never get in an airplane to go ride park (other than Big Bear), you should definitely go ski powder in Argentina this summer with Garrett Russell and have a totally rad time scoring fresh lines for days on end and then drinking really cheap, great wine and red meat.

But now that I’m done giving a nod to my former employer, I’m here to present the first ever BroBomb Signature Session at Windells.  Tailored not to the mobs of rich children who sweat bullets for FlexFit hats from their favorite ski company but for the aging everyman skier who totally sucks at park skiing now but feels entitled to stay in the scene because they saw 13 on VHS.  This Signature Session is not so much to improve your skiing but to master your sarcasm and bitter outlook on life while being associated with skiing.  Here are the 10 principal activities of the Windells/BroBomb Collabo Totally Signature Session for the (assumed 25+) Cool Kids Only:

1)   Maintaining your “over-it-ness” in the face of hundreds of children and their unadultered joy and enthusiasm for skiing.

2)   Walking away for a solo smoke break when all the kids are clambering over each other to secure a brand new sticker.

3)   Napping or reading The Economist until the kids crash from 9 hours of non-stop activity and then practicing backflips in the foam pit while no one is watching.

4)   Watching ski edits together long enough to get you pumped for the next day, but not long enough to make it seem like you’re actually entertained by other people skiing.

5)   Casually meeting the pro coaches while acting like you have no idea who they are.

6)   Afternoon sessions trying to prove to the children campers why their heroes are idiots.

7)   History classes explaining why the history of African-American culture is actually very much separate from that of modern-day skiing.

8)   Very sporadic sessions on the hill working on straight airs in the halfpipe, 360 grabs, and maybe a backflip.  BroBomb campers will have a separate lunch-time barbeque spot where the cool coaches will come to escape from the campers and the BroBomb campers can drink beers and complain about being in the presence of children.

9)   As the most important quality of an aging action sports participant is to “get it,” lift rides will be spent talking shit about the one dude in the group who doesn’t get it.

10) Dressing in mad tall tee’s, skiing in the back seat, then signing totally stoked kids’ foreheads with a Sharpie claiming you’re Tom Wallisch.

 

The first annual BroBomb Signature Session at Windells is taking place between the Nevergonnahappenteenth of July and the Inyourdreamsteenth of August.  Sign up never!

May 10

Obama Endorses Backseat Skiing Equality

By Jon Hartley1 Comment

In historically unprecedented comments, President Obama has endorsed backseat skiing.In fact, he might even slightly prefer it to front seat.

It’s not that he’s mad at a guy like Joe Biden who is always “out over his skis.” I mean, he only “gently chided” him. But he probably just feels that Backseat Bob should have the same rights as Frontseat Fred. We don’t really get into politics here on BroBomb, but this is a pretty big deal for us. Where we live, most people on skis could probably be described as backseat-curious, if you will.

So this should come as a relief to park rats, weekend warriors, and closet backseaters everywhere. It’s finally OK to ski the way you were born to ski, without being ashamed.

Now is there the possibility that this is just some political stunt? Of course. I mean, this is bound to be popular in places like Breck and Big Boulder, as CO and PA are swing states. But let’s just enjoy the moment. OK, you cynical bastards?

 

Apr 17

THall Wants to Land on Mars and Other ‘Gnarly’ Stuff

By Jon Hartley2 Comments

Tanner is still a few years away from being skiing’s loveable old-man-yelling-at-clouds Gary Busey-esque mascot (but it will happen). And as long as media outlets like HBO are holding him up as the embodiment of our sport every time he opens his mouth will continue to be a cringeworthy event. But how could we stay mad at a face like that?

Even if he causes everyone in the world without an NS account to collectively roll their eyes in unison. And even though he seems oblivious to the notion that they do, in fact, stop boxing matches before people die. And that neither NASCAR nor Indycar is an unregulated steel cage match of automobile induced death…the dude does want to land on Mars. And don’t we all share that dream in common? Somewhere deep down in the core of our collective human psyche?

To Mars, Tanner. To Mars!

Mar 26

How-To: The Populist Ski Edit

By Ryan Dunfee4 Comments

Back when men were men and skiers were core, your filmer skied within inches of your tails.

In this days of economics inequality, corporate greed, and stalled opportunity, populism is back in fashion.  This is no different on the slopes, where many people are now “keeping it real,” unable to afford the condos, season passes, and newfangled rockered skis that make skiing so much fun these days.  The scavengers of the skiing underbelly are now the persuaders of popular opinion, as evidenced by the popular outrage over the flaunting of weapons, expensive cosmetic dental surgery, planes and Subarus in a recent edit.  So now that you’re no doubt filming your every move with a GoPro and a GoPro on a pole, here are some keys to keeping yourself legit in the public eyes by using some simple rules to guide your edit-making endeavors. 

Continue reading this entry »

Mar 07

Eyewitness to War

By Jon Hartley7 Comments

Remember last year when we so innocently expected Craig Coker’s “War of Rails” to have a little something to do with…well…rails?

We wouldn’t be taken in so easily this year. So we sent (and by “sent,” I mean that they attended with no help from us) the Hot Possie to be our eyewitnesses to skiing’s ongoing love affair with spinning on, around, and above rails. They have dubbed the trip “Hesher’s Holiday” and promise to produce an edit that reports their findings.

For now we are left with a pretty sweet teaser (above), and the official event edit (after the jump) as an assault on your good taste and desire to be entertained.
Continue reading this entry »

Feb 29

They’re Not Normal, They’re STRANGE

By Jon Hartley11 Comments

Oh loooooook, Newschoolers is getting in on that super cutting edge “reality” trend. Damn, skiing is always at least two steps ahead of the culture at large.

So apparently the guys who were really pissy over being named the #2 comedy site in skiing are giving Tom Wallisch’s chauffeur, cook, butler, and assorted hypemen an “unedited and raw” show. There’s no chance that could be unintentionally, unselfawarely funny. None.

The 4bi9ers assure us that they are so “strange” and “weird” that their lives will make for an interesting watch. In fact, Steve Stepp isn’t even sure you’re ready for how krayzee they’re gonna get: “Everyone should be prepared to be weirded out. I’m not sure the public is ready to experience how weird my friends are.”

Prediction : These guys aren’t “weird” whatsoever, unless your social group doesn’t extend beyond white, upper-middle-class, post-college, skier twenty-somethings.

But, of course, I could be wrong, I mean: “Expect Dale to be Dale, Bryan to be really strange, and Black Steve to make a brief appearance.”

I stand corrected. That sounds fascinating.

Feb 19

What Cody Townsend Does

By Cody Townsend2 Comments

“Ooooooooh I’m so sick of these!” Shut up, there’s room for one more.

Continue reading this entry »

Feb 17

Newschoolers Gets Miffed

By Ryan Dunfee8 Comments

Nothing like an 18th-century political cartoon as a metaphor for the current drama on the ski internet.

Last week we posted a self-congratulatory item when we discovered that one of the chief authors of the ESPN Freeskiing blog, the curiously anonymous ESPN Freeskiing (Megan Michelson?), posted a web story doling out awards to their favorite freeski websites.  Newschoolers, one of freeskiing’s two most robust online communities (along with the TGR forums for bitter crusty old dudes), was not mentioned for its strength of content or community, but rather was awarded a measly second place for “Best Humor Site” behind yours truly, BroBomb.com.

Continue reading this entry »

Feb 16

What Ever Happened to ‘Final Moment’?

By Jon Hartley1 Comment

Remember being really pumped about this?

Us too. So we asked MOMENT VP Luke Jacobsen about it. His answer makes some sense, and makes us sad:

“No snow for urban is tough. We didn’t want to make a bunch of park edits. We hoped to have more episodes but shit happens. Another one is in the works. A week or two out I think…”

So there’s hope.

Feb 15

Skiing Needs a Jeremy Lin

By Jon Hartley6 Comments

I watched about ten minutes of this year’s X-Games. In that ten minutes I noticed that not only is skiing second fiddle to Shaun White’s pants snowboarding, but we’re also behind those guys who do backflips on snowmobiles on the popularity bus.

What we need is our very own Jeremy Lin. Not a 6’3” Taiwanese-Chinese-American exactly, but that could work, too. What I’m saying is that we need a safely packaged (read: Christian) but racially unexpected hero to emerge. An evangelical-Inuit Tom Wallisch, perhaps?

On this one, I agree completely with Floyd Mayweather. Jeremy Lin is (Asian) unexpected (and Christian) and is therefore a media darling, and we need some of that magic in skiing.

So to wrap this up, if skiing is ever going to get top billing at the X-Games or waaaaaaaay more importantly, the Olympics, we’re going to need a little unlikely racial flavor. So somebody get down to Argentina, or post up at Ski Dubai, or just find the next Nicky Adams. (I don’t know Nicky’s religious affiliation, but just imagine a black-Canadian-Christian!) Nobody wants to see a white kid do more flippies than the white kid before him anymore.

Someone get this man a John 3:16 diecut

For those of you who can still stomach NS…does anybody come to mind? Is there some racially unexpected up-and-comer posting edits that are “ill” and “fresh” and “posi-vibes” and all?

So now that I’ve boosted BroBomb’s Baidu ratings. Have a nice day.

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