Jordan Spohr and Whiteroom Films teamed up to make the absolute best trick tip that has ever been made. And unlike the doublecork 1550 tip that Freeskier will publish this month, you have a chance to actually learn this one.

While keeping a low profile, BroBomb used all of 2011’s ad revenue, $36.78, to buy a cab halfway to the airport to fly to Denver to get to SIA. You didn’t see us at the show? We took over Ninthward’s booth for a couple hours while they wandered off and skipped all their buyers’ meetings to eat mushrooms in the bathroom.  We gave away free goatees to anyone we saw wearing a Flexfit hat at a crooked angle. Since then more than half our views have come from the Denver TapOut MMA league, and I just got a card in the mail for a free neck piercing next time we’re in town. We also stole Brooke Geery’s tallboy when she passed out in a hallway.  We shared it. It was way more fun than the chardonnay the nerds from Kjus were sneaking media folks in their booth.

If you didn’t see us, that’s okay; we were all disguised in Beardhats anyway.  If we’d been recognizable, we wouldn’t gotten hit up way too many times by pro skiers praising our genius, and we wanted to get some real work done instead.  We actually just spent the entire time snaking Camel lights from Jon, but after looking at Newschoolers’ copious 2013 product photos, here’s what we think are the five hottest trends for next season:

1)   Ski Touring is Wicked Fucking Cool

4FRNT, stepping up from the re-branded Tyrolias of years past with a new touring binding.

After all this time thinking consumers wanted convenient lift-serviced skiing, the ski industry is finally learning that everyone would rather just kick their own ass for hours on end to get one decent run.  Now that all the weekend warriors are obsessed with punishing themselves all summer long at Tough Mudders, the winter equivalent–ski touring/mountaineering–is finally offering some good products (mostly bindings) beyond Dynafit and Marker.  Expect to shop for touring bindings from 4FRNT, Salomon, and Atomic next year that will totally make your skis look badass…er in the liftline.

2)   Ski Clothing Sort of Grows Up

After getting spoon-fed Dayglo like a suppository for years, the ski industry appears to be embracing more modest tones at a steady rate.  However, not everyone is pumped on the more muted colors of 2013.  According to one NS member looking at next year’s Voleurz collection, “If I wanted to pay a ton of money to look like I shopped at a thrift store that was out of anything that fit me I would go to American Apparel.”

3)   Exclamation Points!

If Newschoolers’ SIA news section is an indication of trends to come, it’s likely that the exclamation point will replace “stoked” in 2013.  In order to keep the level of excitement perpetually high, all sentences, however drab, must end in an exclamation point.  I.e. “Nordica brings polished brass instep screws to 2013 boots!  All photos by David Peacock!”  We’re not sure how this change in vocabulary will play out in spoken word, but we’re pretty sure there will be a lot of yelling on the slopes next season.

4)   Green Is In

Either Skiing Magazine has a colorway-obsessed readership or their online editor is just really lazy.  They mentioned the color green as a trend three times in their “SIA 2012 Trends” article.  If there really was so little going on at SIA this year that Skiing ended up posting multiple photos of products they found that were, of all things, green, I guess product development has slowed down to a glacial pace.

5)   Mediocre Chicks in Uggs and Swimsuits Giving Away Chapstick

While degrading women has only been a mid-range marketing tool for a consumer base full of kids who’d rather shotgun a Monster than ask a girl on a date, part of the SIA experience is walking around until you get offered some high-altitude breathmints by a busted chick wearing too much makeup and no clothing.  Skullcandy’s got it down to a science, packing their booth with sluts handing out trucker hats or dumb sunglasses.  It’s apparent that sex will attempt to sell ski gear all the way through 2013.  We’ve already booked a toothless hooker from Ouray to come down for BroBomb’s 2013 booth to give away free quickies… and chapstick with Jon’s face on them.

This video, “Cold Faces” from North Cascade Productions is an appropriate venue to launch the latest BroBomb poll.  Answer true to yourself so we can sell the data to Newt 2012.

This kind of skiing can really happen… if you are disciplined enough.  Courtesy of Jeffrey Kohnstamm

Well, it appears to be over.  The extended snowless purgatory that has plagued much of the West Coast this ski season seems to be dying a sputtering, moist death with the jet stream pushing a slew of storms south towards California, Wyoming, Utah, and Colorado.  But as a superstitious bunch, we can certainly imagine this all turning to rain if we do something as stupid as wax our powder skis or show up for first chair.  We must maintain our collective discipline and ensure these storms do indeed deliver by engaging in the following ironic and delusory activities:

The best car purchase to ensure it dumps.

Sell Your Snow Tires

Your burly, knobbed-up Michelins have been humping dry roads since you put them on after Thanksgiving, reminding you of the complete lack of snow with their obnoxiously loud hum on dry pavement.  It will certainly snow if you sell them, put on race slicks, or get rid of your truck entirely in favor of a Miata convertible with no roof and balding summer tires.

Burn Your Powder Skis

Those sick Bentchetlers you just bought/got for Christmas?  They’re really holding up all these storms in the Pacific as Chris’ voodoo topsheet drawings that are eliciting all of this bad Karma from the pan-Asian/African/Other Non-Caucasian snow spirits.  You may cry as they melt in the fireplace and all you’re left with is a pair of Hart mogul skis with a 67 mm waist, but you will be up to your boobs in snow for it.

She must be sacrificed…

Sabotage Your Favorite Chairlift

You’ve no doubt been staring in an anxious daze at your favorite chairlift at your home mountain for weeks as you lap the man-made landing strip of death winding its way down the lower mountain.  Ever since I arrived in Tahoe, I’ve seen the legendary gnarbarians of Squaw pacing around the base of KT-22 in their skittle suits, yelling incoherently, fighting each other, and throwing rocks at trees.   But if she is to be skied, she must first be sacrificed.  Go full Monkey Wrench Gang on ‘er and cut the lift cable, blow up a tower, or throw lambs’ blood on all the chairs.  The next day, the Fingers will surely be socked in.

Throw Away All Your Shovels

If you don’t have the tools on hand to dig out your car, walkway, or dog, chances are it will dump and bury your Tacoma and your poodle.  We suggest mailing your shovels to Miami to max out the irony meter and increase the chances your local hill, as well as your house, will get buried.

Skiing… don’t do it.  Photo courtesty of Alpine-Live.com.

Don’t Go Skiing This Weekend

Nothing will ensure it pukes like a good old “You shoulda been there” scenario.  We could have four feet in Tahoe by Sunday, and to ensure that that actually happens, it’s probably best you avoid the mountains all together.  Play golf, Xbox, run errands at Bed Bath & Beyond, and relish in the fact that your avoidance of skiing is actually making the skiing better.

Oh, and Ryuta is the shit. Beginning of conversation.

If you’re anything like us, you own a halfway decent camera, but it spends 99% of its time in the car if you even remember to bring it to the hill. Therefore, most of your ski photos/videos are taken with an iPhone. Olloclip looks like it might help you take the quality up a notch in your lazy quest to become the next Josh Berman or Blake Jorgenson. This little guy comes with a fisheye, wide-angle, and macro lens.

None of the descriptions on CNET make any mention of the video quality, but it looks pretty decent in the promotional video (above).

Here’s to many, many more cellphone edits!

P.S. If you own Olloclip and you got here due to the Google alert you obviously have set up, then please send us a lens to review: jon@brobomb.com

What we have here is a 2013 Moment release that may or may not be called the “Deathwish” (that was the filename anyhow).

Our sources tell us that it’s going to have “new” Moment technology/shape that they’re calling “Dirty Mustache Rocker.” Not sure what “dirty” refers to, but mustache rocker used to refer to camber underfoot with rockered out tip and tail.

As for dimensions, we’re looking at 112 underfoot and lengths of 164. 174, 184, and 190.

This photo shows a wooden wall. Behind that wall, and badly out of focus, is a little 2013 outerwear also from Moment. The pant is slim, though it looks rather roomy in the photo.

It would seem that those luminescent-orange skis you’ve probably spotted in The Weak are the redesigned 2013 Line Chronic. We’ve been told that the new Chronic will have regular camber underfoot and early rise in the tip and tail. While we don’t really have a great shot of the topsheet, we’re told the graphic is Jerry Garcia inspired (hopefully the Dead’s legal team isn’t like Kiss’s). Clearer photos after the jump

Not bad

The tail of the new Chronic and Garrett in a pretty sweet 2013 Line softgoods piece.

Best People in Skiing for the 2011 Calendar Year

1) JP Auclair: Last year JP made the decision to step away from Poorboyz and work on a different type of segment. The result? The viral edit of the year. His All.I.Can street segment crossed over to an audience beyond skiers. The only thing to rival this thing’s popularity with the non-skiing set is perhaps Tanner’s “my ankles” video. And thank God this is what went viral and not some video of a superpipe cut into “cubes.”

JP is also very busy helping those less fortunate. All in a year’s work.

2) Ian Compton: The Weak surprised us all when it lasted a month. Then it came back for a second season and continued to be awesome. Moreover, Traveling Circus is undeniably better when Ian appears, and he held it down in his Level 1 segment.

3) Leo Taillefer: Everything he does with GPSYfeelin is soooo good, and Dunfee, the only BroBomber who doesn’t get bored with powder segments, says that Leo charges in the backcountry. Not to mention he’s a favorite of Garrett Russell, so he’s our favorite skier’s favorite skier.

4) Phil Casabon: B&E edits are the shit no matter what style you are and he is the only comp skier skiing with style. Period.

5) JF Houle: His Level 1 segment again was badass and worth repeat views and at the end of last year I believe he won Euro X, which was close enough to 2011 to be included. To win comps and still put out core segments is legit in our book.

6) Logan Imlach: Winning Superunknown was starting to look like more of a curse than a blessing, but Logan broke the streak and lived up to the hype. His After Dark segment kicked ass and to top it all off, he’s a pretty talented and funny writer.

7) Rob Heule: The Group Home edits and his season edit that dropped in the fall kicked ass. Rob is what skiing should look like in 2012.

8) Chris Helberg: Big part of the freight train of Scandinavian goodness that is Happypro’s TrashParty. If a skier can make sliding a log and wallriding frozen tree branches look fun then he should be on this list.

9) Indie Filmers/Editors: Shayne Metos, Nick Hickling, and Dylan Siggers among many, many others. These dudes do so much good shit for free that they may just be killing the “big” production companies. Hopefully we can get the best of both worlds and someone will throw some cash behind these fellas’ visions.

10) Ryuta Iwasaki: He appears to be the face of Muddy Films, which needs much more recognition for doing their own thing. He also makes stylish tricks look attainable and fun, and he clearly doesn’t care what the rest of the ski world is doing when he is riding fat 160s with no poles.

Over the course of the past 19 months I have lived in/on tents, couches, guest beds, floors, crawlspaces, basements, attics, RVs, snowcaves, and real caves throughout various continents. Skiing is to blame for this lifestyle.

My most recent home of 3 months, a gently used 24′ Winnebago Majestic, provided me a few lessons about life. Here the lessons to live by, specifically for a life in a House On Wheels:

-Stay clean

-Don’t even think about trying to have a girlfriend.

-Turn off small electric heaters before exiting RV.

-Accept that the RV will be cold upon your return.

-Understand that all belongings could be stolen or incinerated upon your return.

-Open windows to prevent mold.

-Realize that, at any given time, people can be peeking into your living, sleeping, and/or dressing room.

-Dress warm, pretty much always.

-Keep the door closed, at least the screen door.

-After showering, dry off. Completely.

-Always have a sweatshirt, hat, and gloves handy.

-Keep your bicycle somewhere safe.

-Separate unit into “rooms.” Refer to your rooms in everyday conversation, desperately masking your pathetic life.

-Keep nothing of true value.

-Don’t be afraid to sleep elsewhere for a night, 2 nights, or a month.

-Insist that guests remove footwear and place on doormat.

-Provide doormat.

Brody’s casa

-Keep slippers by door. When inside, have slippers on feet. When leaving, trade slippers for shoes at the doormat.

-After camping/climbing/kayaking/touring/skiing/hiking/traveling, thoroughly clean, dry, and organize every little thing.

-Take the extra second to put things away where they belong.

-Keep a plethora of water handy since running water is non-existent.

-Don’t drink any fluids for 3 hours before bed.

-Do anything to avoid getting up to go to the bathroom during the night. See previous tip.

-Travel. Actually, do anything to spend extended periods of time elsewhere.

-When tapping into neighbor’s electricity, be sure extension cord is not going to trip any backyard wanderers.

-Four comforters is the absolute minimum.

-Remember that the space beneath the RV is as good as any ghetto self-storage unit.

-Refuse offers to race your friends’ Vanagons, VW buses, or other small, pathetic, and laughable wannabes without hookups.

You can check out more tales and tips from Brody’s nomadic meanderings at his blog.