I bet they didn’t get the name from this Decemberists song of the same title.

A couple of our more anticipated shred flicks have dropped trailers (Eye Trip and Come Find Us). Normally we’d have lots to say about silly developments like this, but GODDAMN IT’S HOT! So if your AC is working, do us all a favor and muster up the energy to offer an opinion or comment on skiing’s recent developments.  I’ve got to get my hands away from this keyboard before my skin melts.

Happy 4^th of July weekend America. For you foreigners, this is a weekend of roman candles, bottle rockets, and other pyrotechnic pleasures. If you live in a place where folks tend to carry guns (the hood and Texas), it’s also a nice time to sit on your porch and listen to people celebrating freedom the old fashioned way—shooting at the sky.

I’ve never tended to think of guns much, as I don’t hunt and I’m not a paranoid militiaman, but the thoughts have been trickling in my brain as if by osmosis. It seems that hipsters are arming themselves, Chicago is going to get a lot more dangerous, and the Supreme Court is OK with it.

Now, I’m not known for being the greatest friend to skiing’s snow thugs, but I figured I’d give you guys a heads up: It’s time to get some goddamn guns! I’m talking about real killing people type guns. Not the shotgun you got from daddy’s closet, but some turn-that-shit-sideways concealable weapons. You’ve already lost the vast majority of your relevance and edginess, but if the tight pants kids start carrying guns before you…well then, it’s time to give it all up (looking at you B Devine, that Gold Bond on a scale ain’t scaring anybody).

Most skiers tend to live in hick ass states where it’s easier to get a gun permit than it is for a minority to vote. So here’s a breakdown of gun laws in popular ski states:

Colorado: Home state of the late gun-freak Hunter S. Thompson; it’s pretty gun friendly. There’s a maximum $100 fee for a concealed weapon permit, and as long as you haven’t committed a felony, gotten a bunch of DUI’s, or had any drug arrests you should be fine.

Utah: Why aren’t you people packing heat yet? If you want to be skiing’s next badass, this is the place to go. If this dude has his way, you won’t even need a permit; just head on down to the Wal-Mart and buy whatever’s on sale.

Vermont: “In a couple of states, like Vermont, citizens can carry a firearm without getting permission, paying a fee, or going through any kind of government- imposed waiting period.” – GunOwners.org. Our friends over at Ice Coast Kills Shit were being way more literal than we would’ve guessed. Be real careful not to snake anybody next time you’re lapping Carinthia, shit is real out there.

I’m proud to announce skiing’s newest phenomenon: Four Loko. This crap has everything a skier could want in a sponsor…bright colors, serious health risks, hood credentials, and ENERGY out the ass! We’re talking about 12% alcohol by volume and some taurine, guarana, and caffeine thrown in to beat your liver into submission. All those pussies with Snus sponsors will be totally jealous. There’s an added cool bonus due to its apparent popularity with the dirty punk rock squatter set, and its availability at my local corner bodega seems to suggest that the brown paper bag crowd digs it too.

You’ll need to send in your “sponsor me” tapes quickly as there are some rumors that the US government might be banning liquid crack in the near future. Make sure your tape is extremely extreme, none of that style shit. It’s gotta be club music, seizure inducing editing, and big stunts.

Here’s their address, if you’ve got the balls. Please, please, please tell me what they say when you send them your season edit.

Drink Four Brewing Company

1658 North Milwaukee Ave Suite 424

Chicago, Illinois 60647

Skiing is great and all, but I’ve made it no secret that I’m in this for the money. We gave the snarky-ski-blogger thing a good college try, but my bank balance is lower than ever so something’s got to give. The obvious solution is to “go viral.”

This Bros Icing Bros thing seems like it’ll be cool for about two more days, so we’ve decided to make a spinoff to ride its coattails. You may have noticed that “Bro” is already in our url, so the name of our soon-to-be ultra popular game is “BroBombing Bros.” It takes the lighthearted brotacular fun of the original game and replaces it with gratuitous violence.

The scene: Your bro, let’s call him Kip, walks up behind you and presents you with a piss-warm Smirnoff Ice. You left your defense bottle of Ice at home, so you’re completely vulnerable to his attack.

Our game: The brotastic thing to do in this situation is to say “Kip-dog, you asshole, you fuckin’ got me, bro” and drain 12oz of cloudy malt beverage. However, you have a secret weapon: You know that “Bros Icing Bros” is totally lame now, and it’s “Bombing” that’s all the rage. So you don’t drop that knee and take your punishment; instead, you snatch that bottle from his hand and smash it on his big frat-tacular skull.

As your friend bleeds out from the facial smash you just laid on him, you can score bonus points by casting doubt on the masculinity of his plaid shorts and mandals. Super score!

Have fun out there, and be sure to Tweetbook the SHIT out of this. BroBombing needs you!

Over the course of the past season I skied at seven different resorts that I can think of. They span from the smallest molehills of PA, to the frozen peaks of Vermont, and even some sunny Tahoe treats. The quality of the amenities varies drastically, from village wine bars and gastropubs to glorified cafeterias selling microwaved pizzas. However, the one thing you can be sure of is that the crapper will not be ski boot friendly.

I’ll admit I didn’t drop one at all seven resorts, but as an all-the-time coffee drinker and a some-of-the-time cigarette smoker I tend to make use of the facilities at the resorts I visit. Without fail I am confronted with a toilet that is simply not constructed for use in ski boots. I imagine there might be some very short people who don’t run into this problem, as it’s largely an issue of bowl height. When sitting on the porcelain pony in ski boots your shins are locked in an unnaturally forward position due to the lack of ankle flex. The issue can be alleviated somewhat by completely unbuckling your boots, but who the hell wants to do that?

The way I see it we have two options: 1. Get down with the rear-entry robostompers. 2. Raise the bowl up a few inches. They sell those taller ones for handicapped stalls, so why can’t we get a “boots on” stall next door?

Not too long ago, I bought the couch I am currently sitting on from Overstock.com. For about two weeks after that I had the pleasure of viewing the furniture selections at Overstock in a banner ad at the top of NS. I wish BroBomb had the technology of an ad server so I could just spy the shit out of your life and stalk your buying habits, but we don’t. So we’ll go the much less creepy route and ask you for input, just like those annoying survey takers at the airport (looking at you Sierra Club Denver).

As you know, the world runs on chocolate chip cookies and money. This survey will address the money side of it. We want to know what (if anything), you’d be likely to purchase from BroBomb. All the options presuppose that we will do a kickass job of making designs that are totally sweet.

There’s nothing like blasting your AC for 24 straight hours to make you think, “What happened to that Boone summer skate-ski idea?” Boone made a thread about it awhile back that we can’t find anymore. Then there was some (not so serious) discussion of a prototype that would be somewhere between the cross country rollerskis that already exist and a simple freestyle inline skate. I could dismiss the idea as completely without a purpose, market, or a shred of coolness…but I’m exactly nerdy enough to think it’d be fun for a day.

We promise to tirelessly pursue the answer to this question and never allow ourselves to think: “Who really cares?” So expect an answer to this most pressing question by the end of the day. In the meantime, Photoshop (or just Paint) your own dream prototype and throw it on our FB. There might be a t-shirt in it for ya (unless you’re from Australia)!

Answer from Erik Boone:

Hey Jon!

Yeah man we killed the idea for a few reasons:  Primarily, we weren’t really serious to begin with but – 1. the market size isn’t big enough to actually produce and sell.  2. We couldn’t figure out how to build a ski-skate that did what we wanted at a price we were willing to pay. 3. We’d rather just go skiing.

I’ve got a fridge packed with beer and grillable meats, so it’s your turn to write some BroBomb content. Drop your ideas, responses, hate, and knock-knock jokes in the comments. Consider this collective therapy to get the young skiing community used to posting on something other than NS.

The Hood Crew stays home for West Coast Sessions IV.

Check out some more HC action: