For all the environmental talk you get from all kinds of granola big mountain skiers and ski companies, you don’t hear any come out like Scotty Wittlake and call out the Olympics for being so damaging environmentally and economically. Where is Mark Abma and other socially conscious skiers on this issue or are our big-name skiers scared to upset their big money sponsors like Salomon who will be sending teammates Bobby Brown and Simon Dumont to the Olympics?
Archive
For the the soapbox category
Press release- Philadelphia PA USA, August 22, 2011.
BroBomb, maker of snarky web shenanigans, welcomes Ben Pruess as the new CEO of Holden Outerwear. We have always been big fans of Holden and have widely bitched and moaned about how ski companies don’t offer anything that actually fits. In addition, we’d like to thank you for filling up our inboxes with three different press release mass emails about this same person. He seems like a real mench.
At Holden, even the CEO gazes thoughtfully into the distance.
Like Apollo, the Spirit Bear and Guardian of the Great Spirit, we awaken! We’ve spent our summer getting really into First People’s Mysticism, and due to an early morning spirit vision induced by a drink of fermented berries and the urine of a pregnant goat, this site will no longer be all about hate, sarcasm, criticism, and the occasional Simon Dumont joke. No, it will be about the spiritual journey of our heroic Rastamen as they climb the heights of Mount Olympus and add spins to every flip and flips to every spin. Continue reading this entry »
If we of the BroBomb are good for anything, it’s calling out some boollshit when we see it. There’s been no shortage of worthy offenses, but what we are discussing today is the weak-ass representation of the Nike 6.0 superstars. Continue reading this entry »
I slept three-ish hours last Tuesday, got up after six a.m., hit the road with my friend at seven and since then, I’ve been under the influence. The sheer anticipation of a deep powder day is enough to put me in a daze. 22 inches fell at Stevens Pass in 24 hours. That was the chemical keeping me in a delirium for a solid five hours. Even during the drive, I started to feel this euphoric tingling. Before you’re even locked in to the ride, it’s affect (and I mean affect, as in a psychological change) is circulating through your system. You get antsy and the anticipation almost makes you snap, but then you’re taking that first run and it’s happening. Continue reading this entry »
Oakley Splice & Oakley Airbrake
The Oakley Crowbar is one of the most elegant goggle designs ever – the baby blue/brown colorway of the Crowbar may be the best of any goggle in history. But it wasn’t long before the German house DJs/industrial designers at Oakley, still hungover from taking too much ecstasy in the 90’s, beat the simple, clean Crowbar into Klausian submission. What was born was the Splice, with its unnatural structural additives and hideous nose flares that complement the generous curves of the human nose with blocky sharp corners that evoke the emotions of a steel sculpture made of broken rebar.
Stupid nose flare, the horror, the horror!
From Tanner’s puffy coats and dreadlocks of yesteryear, to the absurdist impersonation of Redman and Method Man by Phil and Henrik, skiing has long pillaged elements of African American culture. In fact, freeskiing would not be where it is today, with corporate sponsorships and ever-growing youth appeal, if hip hop culture hadn’t been around to lend an element of edginess that had been so completely lacking from skiing forever decades. You don’t go from v-neck sweaters and twister/spreads to the youth-culture posterchild of Target, Red Bull, Mountain Dew, Verizon, and anybody else with a product to sell without borrowing some cool from black kids.
Last week we ran a Rant Contest. There was plenty of pent up rage, and you guys threw down some rather detailed arguments, for Dew, against Dew, and also plenty of attacks on the sexual preferences of those who use Paul Mitchell products and/or wear tall-T’s. Well played.
The finalists shake out as follows: You Bet goes the route of a pretty straightforward anti-Olympics, pro-rail argument, but then spices things up by actually complaining about the prize. BroBomb loves a curmudgeon, welcome to the finals.
Natros makes the tough decision to forgo any actual argument and simply rant about the merits of the sponsor’s (barely) caffeinated beverage, and complain like a geezer about tall-T’s. To be honest, I just really liked this part: “To get enough caffeine from Dew, you would have to chug so much of it, you would be pissing mid run. Which, come to think of it, could be kind of cool. ‘Torin Yater Wallace just pulled the 270 on, golden sprinkler, to 450 pretzel. Amazing!!’”
B-Ladd bucks the trend by opening with a “fuck you” to Natros and then mounts an argument that’s pro judged contests and anti whining.
So now you get to pick the winner. I’ve pasted all of the finalists after the jump, you can read them, or vote on a whim….like a Dew Tour judge, BOOM!
The “internet rant” has a special place in BroBomb’s heart, since this site really came into existence after one too many posted or written and then unposted rants on a certain ski community site. So here’s your chance to win a MOMENT Arlington kit and a badass ARCADE stretchy belt to keep your pants up.
This week, ESPN dropped the bomb that it will be another two years before we see any new Candide footage. He’s so busy working on a Candide-focused Quiksilver film project, sure (we hope) to rival Travis Rice’s earthquake-level film, That’s It, That’s All (one of those snowboard movies every skier owns (haha Yobeat, yes, now that the chum is in the water you one-boarded mofos can feast)) that he simply can’t find the time to drop the Bec de Roses and win the Freeride World Tour again. Candide continues, after over a decade embarrassing English-speaking skiers, to keep us wanting more like the time you brought your dream girl home and she would only touch it.
