One of my favorite things to watch besides people’s reaction to my cultural insensitivity/hostility/ignorance with regards to the Russian’s Olympics is rad people skiing regular ass parks in not-Summit County parts of the world. So it’s with great pleasure when an edit pops up with Sean Jordan shredding Pennsylvania’s Big Boulder. BroBOMB co-founder Jon Hartley was likely on the scene, but was too busy fashion smoking in the woods, dealing with his bum shoulder, or dealing with his new kid.
Borland, Chompton, Kiesel. Neutral tones, East Coast homes (& holmz). Beginner skiers. Pizza. Lift lines. All this could be yours, even with a 9-5. Is living the dream possible on the weekends? I just need to stop typing now.
PSYCH! Contrary to popular belief, we will not stoop to pageview whoring with some sort of meaningless Olympic commentary, as the opening ceremonies are starting as I type this with security balloons overhead and more military snipers trained on the place than that scene in The Rock. In SOME Olympic-related news, Iberg wrote a very persuasive piece about how the Olympics are hurting skiing’s endemic sponsors that have helped bring “the sport” to the “Olympic level” by diminishing their ability to have their logos on shit during the Games while Visa, who yawned at “freeskiing” until it had Olympic potential, gets to run rampant with marketing. More interestingly than the little KIR dude vs. corporate behemoth complaint was the argument that the Olympics will change the incentive structure of sponsors, such that they’ll be compelled to sponsors IOC-related non-profits like the US Ski Team and their teams as a whole instead of the individual athletes, and further diminishing the potential for skiers to make a living.
Good morning nerds,
I’ve been sitting here watching the snow outside my window pass sideways along Sherbrooke Street, half-heartedly typing out notes on the Canadian Parliament and I’ve had some time to offload some ski-related shit that’s been on the brain.
I’m not going to lie; I don’t usually pay much attention to web series. With the exception of Traveling Circus and the Tabarnak Pack (and, y’know, Saga or whatever), I tend not to follow serial freeskiing edits with any regularity. Every once in a while though, something comes along that piques my interest.
The first series that has come onto the radar is Sean Pettit/Leigh Powis/Max Hill’s artfag brainchild Superproof Inc. The first teasers came out a couple months ago and we at the ‘Bomb waited patiently to see exactly where this project would go (other than to a gallery loft at that old warehouse on the hip side of town). This cinematic experience has all the underpinnings of a ‘Bomb-pleaser: tight pants, cigarettes and a soundtrack from the baby boom era. And to be honest, it does look like the shit. I remember an article on here from back in the day speculating on how Anthony Boronowski would react to other skiers encroaching on his territory as the arty kid in the room. Well AB, save for Pettit’s D-grade acting skills (incidentally, that wasn’t a laugh track; he actually used RedBull money to pay people to stroke his ego) I’d say the Superproof guys have joined the conversation.
Brady’s not been the first guy I think of when it comes to progressive style (TM) on the Armada team; he kind of gets caught in the shadow cast by Phil, Henrik, and Hornbeck. But after this edit that no longer appears to be the case. But on another note, isn’t February a little late to be posting edits from the year before?
In other news, Freeskier’s new Editor Henrik Lampert did CU Boulder’s Sigma Pi fraternity brothers proud by hiring two skanks to hand out Freeskier “Trend Books” to people at SIA. COLLEGE!!!
Jon Hartman is ready for SIA, and he will not be sorry for partying
Words by Jon Hartman, Royal Henchman of the Hot Possie
SIA is happening RIGHT NOW and that means that unless you own a company or are a buyer for a big shop (I guarantee you are neither) you are heading to the show to get hammered. Now lets talk rule #1, everyone is there to do business but you, I don’t care if you have a promo or whatever, no one cares, you have a much better shot of making a good impression by not harassing people, drinking beer and having a good time. It has always worked for me, which is why this is a guide to boozing at SIA.Now lets get to the brass tax – the show itself. First off, Denver is not Vegas. I love Denver, it is my home city, it is great but it isn’t Vegas, so you can’t just be drinking wherever you want in the trade show, they are real Nazis about that. However with careful planning you can avoid the Stazi and get drunk all day. Lesson 1, at 4:00 business breaks down as people start to get their buzz on till late into the evening. It is a good bet to hang out over in the snowboard section around this time as the kegs will start appearing aplenty, bands set up and things are dumped out. This is not to say that there aren’t some good keggers on the ski side like Tomahawk (in$$$$$$$entive), but for the most part the snowboard side is a good bet. Another option for the long span of the day is to sneak in booze, a tell tale sign for security is a non-convention center beer so do your studying the first day, generally they sell plastic bottle Budwiser in the convention center so roll up the street to the liquor store and pick yourself up a case*, throw it in your backpack and be slightly discrete and you will be boozing all day. You can also sneak in liquor just be discrete when taking pulls. Another lesson to remember is not to be afraid to be blackout in the trade show, no matter how drunk you are someone at the party will always be drunker.
* Beer is real cheap in Denver so as long as you aren’t in the trade show feel free to indulge, we have tons of micro brews and other good shit. A cube of PBR at the liquor store can run as low as $13.99.
An incoherent map of downtown Denver. Watch out for “Duche Bags”
So, now you are drunk and the trade show has winded down, whats next? Well the nights parties are still a few hours away (show up before 11 and you are a real pussy) and you are already buzzing so you need to do something to occupy your time. The convention center is in a pretty douchey part of town (see attached map) so try to avoid places around there with the exception of La Boheme (the strip club across the street, tell them Hot Possie sent ya), H burger and Illegal Petes, all of those are good time killers. If I were you I would explore the greater Denver area, cruise down Colfax for some good food and bars, check the RiNo neighborhood where Hot Possie and the Level 1 store are located or cruise down SoBo and get some cheap good food and dive bar atmosphere. Or, you could nap as Dunfee suggests but then your chances of getting rowdy diminish greatly. Or, you could partake in Denver’s greatest new charm – legal weed, yes that’s right LEGAL weed. Now that the government has set up the tax structure, you can just walk into our many dispensaries (of which there are more than Starbucks within city limits) and acquire legal to possess and high quality weed. I won’t lecture you on how to spend your time in between show and party but just try to eat, keep getting fucked up and prepare for your night.
Now being a hipster as I am I try to stay off the beaten path, so while there are major events going on, unless you are rolling with a VIP pass to the event you can skip it. My reasoning being that unless you have said VIP pass**, you will end up crowded into a corner with plenty of sweaty dudes, waiting in long lines for beer and generally not pleased with your night. What I suggest in the stead of the mega parties is the smaller company parties which have a much higher chance of open bar and cool people. Shag Lounge (which sucks the other 352 days of the year) is always a good bet for an industry party that will get absolutely fucking wild. Just keep your ear to the ground and be flexible, there will be great parties at places like Tooeys, lost lake, the match box, 3 kings and the like, they all are smaller, attract cooler crowds and will get you in and out of the bar much faster. Bars close in Denver at 2:00 am but during SIA there is one more option and that is the Diamond Cabaret and its night club Wish, as they are strip clubs they stay open till 4:00 am and will have an SIA party every night guaranteed.
** The one caveat to my earlier statements about mega parties are the VIP wrist bands. They are hard to come by but if you have the means or clout to get your hands on one, go for it. I have spent many an SIA night totally black out, drinking on other people’s tabs due to these magical wrist bands. You will generally be segregated from the human trash that normally attend these parties (and surrounded by a much higher quality of industry trash) and will literally have free range. Want 10 free shots? Order em, they are fucking free. Want to smoke weed? light up, you are a goddamn VIP. Looking to get laid? No better way then flashing your VIP wrist band and telling her how your recent stint in rehab kept you out of this years X Games.
Even Denver’s local crackheads are friendly!
Above all else though, just don’t be a fucking loser. SIA comes but once a year, everyone (even old buyers) party, and for the most part everyone is in a friendly and congenial mood. Go along for the adventure, get drunk and see what happens, Denver is a small city and you can cab anywhere for $15, so put on your big boy drinking shoes, sack it up and get fucking hammered for 3 days. * If you are under 21 don’t even waste your fucking time.
Jon Hartman is ready for SIA, and he will not be sorry for partying
Words by Jon Hartman, Royal Henchman of the Hot Possie
SIA is happening RIGHT NOW and that means that unless you own a company or are a buyer for a big shop (I guarantee you are neither) you are heading to the show to get hammered. Now lets talk rule #1, everyone is there to do business but you, I don’t care if you have a promo or whatever, no one cares, you have a much better shot of making a good impression by not harassing people, drinking beer and having a good time. It has always worked for me, which is why this is a guide to boozing at SIA.
It would appear that everyone and their mom were not the only people to make the obligatory Keystone visit this January. Antti Ollila, about whom we’d posted once before, made sure to stop by and drop some serious knowledge on Area 51, which is a welcome change of pace from the obnoxious beer chugging and shitty skiing of the Hot Possie, who have made their best effort to sequester Keystone into their personal venue for demonic worship and artery-popping tight pants. Antti went on to get 7th in the X Games slope with an actually pretty cool run, during which announcer Mike Douglas gave a shout-out to a fellow Finnish crew, Real Skifi. Anti-comp folks get shout-outs on primetime TV? There is hope for us yet, nerds. We’re filing a +1 for Douglas into our KIR Rolodex..
Allegedly Russian construction executive Valery Morozov was told he would “drown in blood” after accusing several officials of demanding pay-offs for Sochi construction contracts. He also estimates $30 of the $50 billion total construction bill went into personal bank accounts of Russian officials. Of course, who the fuck knows what is really going on over there, but I think it’s safe to say there’s no way in hell there has not been corruption on a grand scale surrounding these Great Olympics. It’s just starting to get good, boys and girls!
Well, it’s been a long fucking time since I’ve bothered to update the dozen or so of you idiots still pining for intelligible rambles about tight pants, fashion smoking, and Nick Goepper. And after three weeks of prime winter content season have passed without me bothering to post a post (blame it on apathy or prioritizing getting my woman settled in our new home here in Jackson Hole and teaching her proper GoPro mounting techniques), we have SOOO much to talk about! Wallisch is out of the Olympics, Goepper will undoubtedly win them, and if Torin continues to be injured, there will officially be no reason to watch Putin’s Games (except for Lyman Currier and David Wise’s retardedly tech pipe run, but we’ve already seen it three times this season) except to see if Ted Ligety insults the IOC & FIS in every press conference he attends. In other news, there’s no snow anywhere in North America and maybe when Los Angelinos stop trying to get selfies with P. Diddy at Grammies afterparties, they’ll realize they’re never going to be able to water their lawns again. In other other news, the one “anti-comp” in skiing, the Orage Masters, was for some incomprehensible reason turned into a big mountain competition with only a select number of pros before we could even barge in and demand our expenses be paid to show up on the sidelines and wreak havoc. We can only assume the radical departure from previous format, which was based around trying to show skiers could get rowdy in a park within reasonable traveling distance of major population centers, was to ensure there was no way Team BroBOMB could vote-whore their way into the remote British Columbia venue by threatening to murder cattle if they didn’t get their way. Especially since Jon Hartman refuses to ski powder on principle. What else happened? Grete Elliasen wore a Ralph Lauren GS suit or something for a Vogue article highlighting her leadership heading into Sochi (she didn’t make the team), Dumont blew his knee, Putin had two Orcas hunted down for Olympic display, Lindsey Vonn threw corporate America’s marketing team into a tailspin by pulling out of the Olympics, Andy Parry’s still poor, Tanner is still writing in all-caps, we need snow here in Jackson, Henrik did some cool tricks, I skied one park lap, is Phil Casabon not going to Sochi?, Candide confused everybody by showing up to a Grand Prix event, Colby West inserted himself in the X Games again and I don’t know if anyone cared since I haven’t watched any of the videos and yeah, that’s about all I remember right now. Oh, I’m also selling some ski jackets. Please buy them so I can afford to go on a surf trip next month. But we’re going to start things off easy with a lil’ Armed Pro/Am Edit Battle. The Sugarbush loc dawg crew threw down a pretty nifty little edit with a guest appearance by Kieran McVeigh, from whom we have noticed a distinct lack of video since he went to college in California. What are you, some fucking nerd?? Several dozen people on the internet want to see you ski, so get outta the damn library. Another college freshman with plenty of appearances here on the ‘BOMB, Jeffy K. Kohnstamm, has been finding a better balance between school and extracurriculars, as evidenced by this edit likely done with Shane’s tape-fed video camera during SLC’s recent Beijing-style smog epidemic, courtesy of high pressure.
“Nothing is fucked, here man…. And shit! Man… she kidnapped herself!”
We are nigh a month away from Vladimir Putin’s spectacle of athletic dashery and new-money might, enabled by a bottomless budget and dictatorial strongarming and corruption on a scale that will make Beijing’s abrupt relocation of multitudes of enormous factories and power plants to the outskirts of the city in order to preserve the air for the 2008 Summer Games look like a Joe Biden side project in comparison. Now that the residents of Sochi have been trucked away, the homosexuals can finally anticipate nominal acceptance by the Russian people, and the snipers are all in place around the ski areas, it’s time to play sports!
And right on schedule, corporate America has been beating freeskiing over the head with embarrassing ads. Earlier this winter, we were forced to clench our teeth while NBC made most of America’s winter Olympic athletes look like a bunch of weeny Breakfast Club teen stars, forcing them to play air guitar on inflatable six-strings and pander endlessly to Sochi’s second-biggest asshole after Putin, Bob Costas. While the Goepper Humanization Initiative couldn’t keep their teen star from beaming those pearly whites for the camera while singing about a Costas interview, The Dumont played to his short temper and filed one away in the KIR cabinet by barely pretending he could tolerate the situation (1:20). Way to go, Simon – you may be our only hope, our only figure with a steely enough resolve to both match the grim attitude of Russian security forces and the self-indulgent ignorance of Mr. Costas.