Kluless Media, the folks that brought you the Dylan Manley hate fest video, also dropped “The short EC Mixtape of all of the skiers left on the EC.” Translation? “You’re an idiot for not leaving the East Coast.” Sounds like my inner dialogue circa 2010, 2012 and circa two months ago. But I can’t hate on the home turf. After all, Wyoming publishes no bulletin comparable to the catalogue of leftist rants known as The New Hampshire Gazette, which is questionably the oldest newspaper in America and home of all kinds of terrible Nixon trivia. At any rate:
This OG Dave Crichton segment from 2002 has everything I loved about early 2000′s park skiing: 18-foot pipes, Parkasauras, sketchy parking lot quarter pipes, DL Incognito, and Crichton’s gorgeous tail grabs, alley-oop flat 5′s (still on my bucket list), and switch cork 9′s in the pipe – eleven years ago. I would actually start a Kickstarter project to pay Crichton to film again, but alas all good things must come to an end. But thanks to Level 1 for again treating us to pretty much the best skiing ever. You guys should really start skiing more transition.
We’ve taken our liberties putting gool ol’ (young) Goepper in his place. We’ve made fun of Red Bull for staging an edit highlighting Goepper’s downhome Indiana roots and willingness to jib the side of the family home despite his Golden Boy sponsor status making that kind of rediculous grassroots session totally unnecessary, and following an early Goepper edit from Mount Snow, Sam Turner put together a hilarious piece called “Goepper Campaign Advisors Introduce Humanization Initiative.” All in all, the upstart future Olympian has suffered the most volume of sarcastic drool on this site since Simon Dumont. Actually, in terms of single-post hate records, ginger hesher Dylan Manley set the record a week or two ago with 36 reader comments oozing with hateful internet bile.
At any rate, the whole point of this post was to see what would happen if I posted a Nick Goepper edit in earnest because he actually throws a few nice looking tricks. Will our server shut us down due to the quantity of slurs and demeaning commentary? Will keyboards break as irate hipsters punch the keys with their fists to express their anger? Will we get a Target ad buy? I can’t wait, and boy am I excited for the Dew Tour!
It’s been a bit since we’ve abused anyone in our audience’s confidence by pitting their shitty edits against each other. Thomas Caywood Vincent was the winner of last springs’ April Hate-pril contest and here drops his season edit from the wilds of Montana or wherever it is that I don’t recognize in this edit. While there’s lots of cool tricks in here and even REAL SKIING ON REAL MOUNTAINS, there’s also a double, which seriously degrades the edit. What are, some fucking pipe jock?!?!
This week, Vinnie Tea’s competition is three or four one-foot tricks from Ian Compton and then a minute of hockey slapshots. It’s going to be a tall order to beat a few early-season tricks by Chompton with an en entire season’s worth of an am’s best skiing, but that’s up to you do decide.
Maybe it’s a result of one too many months since those of us not fortunate enough to have intercontinental travel budgets have seen snow, or maybe it’s because we’re all a little wound up about what that evil scourge the Olympics are going to do to our sport. Whatever it is that’s causing the freeski community so much angst these days, the result is a whole lot of aggro shit-talking and two competing sides of the same coin. The divide between comp skiers and film skiers has seen some serious widening of late, with shots fired from those who believe in REAL SKIING ON REAL MOUNTAINS and those who believe in working out and Paul Mitchell. Logan Imlach chimed in, and Trennon Paynter came back with some not-so-bad parody of the calls for a return to the core of freeskiing, but no one was able to hit it so far out of the park as the TC crew was able to with the release of the latest episode last night.
Virtually everything about PVC Pipe Jocks subverts all the threads of discussion that have ravaged the pages of Newschoolers, TGR and other concerned ski-publications for the past weeks and months. The TC guys are here to set you strait: No matter how much you care about one side or the other of the freeski debate, you’re wrong. In fact, you’re the liar who said he knew who Ian Compton was. They’re gonna have fun, just like they do every year, because they’ve got it fucking dialed. They don’t need to come knocking on NS’s door looking for spare change just so they can go to Sochi to fulfill some subconscious need for affirmation. They’re gonna go shoot an episode whose opener is them taking wood from some recession-inducing housing project and Shane McFalls getting creative in the Wasatch. The entire episode is a lesson in how stupid fighting about skiing is, and how absurd “double cork twelve-sixty” sounds when taken out of context; it’s the smartest thing anyone’s said in a long time.
And that’s why you should watch it, nerd.
Unbeknownst to even the most astute ski-app aficionados, the industrious minds behind Saga Outerwear have been toiling night and day for whocares? months to craft the ultimate in inane brand-propaganda. Countless hours of clandestine research and development combined to produce one of the most expensive virtual billboards in freeskiing history. So secretive was this project that when it launched this morning via the Newschoolers.com background ad, literally no one knew what it meant.
Most members appeared bewildered upon finding that there was now fluorescent bacon backing the site’s homepage. “It made absolutely no indication towards any association with Saga or the freeskiing industry in any way, shape or form” said one member, shaking his head in vague disbelief. “Uh, oh yeah, no I have adblocker, I don’t have to deal with any of that shit,” said another. Some users showed more interest. “Yeah, I clicked on that by accident, I was trying to get to my threads and my mouse slipped” said user SteezeLyfe, who at least took the time to engage with the advertisement. “It took me to the app store. Apparently it was Saga trying to get me to consume more.”
It came as a surprise to certain Saga executives that the reaction from the community at large was so muted. Indeed it was difficult to fathom why no one would give a shit about something that is essentially a filter of the Newschoolers homepage that removes everything but that sweet, sweet Saga content. “We are the future, we own NS, everyone loves camo!” cried one flustered executive. “Our app provides the consumer with access to our product, our athletes, and our cult of personality” explained another, wearing a look of pained incredulity.
It remains to be seen what further furor may be roused in the days following the app’s tumultuous release. The popular consensus is that surely this initiative will pick up steam; it’s only so long before demand catches up with supply. “The people know they need camo, we just need them never to forget that,” said senior Saga staffer C.M. Burns. For its part, when reached for comment, the jury said it was “still out.”
That moustache must be a center for fucking fusion power or something, ‘cuz Rob Heule is shredding in full flocka flame mode in this eight-minute edit. Just remember kids, you can’t smoke cigs at a ski resort! Plus Marlboros are only cool at street spots.
So Rob Dresser from Kluless Media sent me a message a did my best to ignore for as long as possible touting two full-length am movies – one West Coast, one East Coast – and both 25 minutes long. I can’t even imagine how many follow-cam laps that was. 600, 800, 8,000? At any rate, there’s a bunch of fresh new talent that will be thrown up on the BB board once these two are digested, starting at 4:00 in this movie with the super-ginger hipster known as Dylan Manley. He reminds me a little bit of your least favorite European shred, Daniel Hanka, so I can’t wait to see how much full you all have with this one. Fans of the Hood Crew will appreciate the relative production quality.