Those are slushy bumps. They will not be mentioned below, but they are fun.

Fun is good. Although it’s also a band, which is not very good (but that one song from the Chevy commercials is pretty catchy). But the real breaking news out of Mount Snow this past weekend is that skiers are having it. Fun, that is.

Strange, right?

For you left coasters, the park area at Mount Snow is called Carinthia. In this mythical land of magical gnomes and trolls, the lift goes straight over the main park, providing an excellent vantage point from which to people watch. In past years, the view from this perch has caused me to lament how snowboarders actually did fun stuff that made me want to try to copy them (typical skier), while skiers mechanically performed the prescribed tricks in the prescribed ways on the prescribed “features” ad infinitum.

Imagine my surprise to find that this year it was skiers doing fun stuff. From gypsy kids tippy-tapping and buttering over every bump in the snow to faux-Harlauts tranny-finding the shit out of the place, it was a truly heartwarming scenario. All of that to say—and I still can’t believe I’m about to say it—skiers were actually the ones having more fun out there. Well done.

Now, with all the warm-fuzzy shit out of the way, let me remind you that skiing/skiers as a “culture” still suck. I can’t count the amount of times I watched/listened as some kid decked out in a “Post your outerwear thread” approved outfit rolled up to his friends and proclaimed to have just done the illest __________ [insert rotation of spin].

Which leads me to my next point: Can you please stop patting yourselves on the back and actually give someone else some damn credit? You WILL have more fun if you cheer your buddies on instead of trying to claim the shit out of everything you do. And if your friends aren’t douches, they’ll return the favor, resulting in bigger smiles all around. Not to mention, you’ll be sparing me from the unbearable strain of rolling my eyes all day. It’s a silent killer.

Let me also say that while fun seems to be having its moment in the sun, it is still under attack. Fashion is the enemy. I’m as guilty as the next guy, well, depending which guy is next. But there is a point where this shit gets out of hand. If it isn’t asinine enough that there are kids who wear cotton hoodies when there’s a -20 wind chill, that same kid will continue to wear a balaclava and tall hoodie even when it’s 70. Wear whatever you’d like, but if you’re making conscious clothing choices that actually limit your fun, you’re an asshole.

In conclusion, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I have nothing clever to say about that. Last weekend I stayed in a hotel where an unlimited, cooked breakfast was included in the price. It was awesome. Sorry that was so unhelpful. Please accept this awesome picture of a husky as compensation.

A man must know his limits, so I’m going to bite off a very small piece- otherwise known as the past weekend. The storm of the century was hitting DC, Philly, and NYC, but it took a hard right before it hit any real mountains. That is depressing, especially since I had a trip to Mount Snow planned. It was bitter cold and the wind was blowing like the frosty bastard that it is. Nonetheless, I kept my blogger radar up and made enough observations to keep you all entertained for the ten second it’ll take to read these two lists.

 Top 5 Promising Things I Saw this Year (Weekend):

1. Your average kid is out there getting creative between features. I’m talking butters, taps, slashes, and all that good stuff. We used to look like automatons that just rode feature to feature, now some of you are actually worth watching from the chairlift.
2. It’s still a fashion show. You’d think this would be a negative thing, but where would we be without our vanity?
3. My brother was riding his shiny new Moment Planks. I heard more than one kid whisper “yo dude, those are the Planks.” I remember when simply owning a pair of twin tip skis made you a rarity on the mountain, at least now you have to go out of your way to order a limited-production ski to get noticed.
4. Shitloads of kids are skiing. Until you go to a park-specific hill like Carinthia at Mount Snow it’s easy to forget how quickly this thing is growing. Again, I can remember when being under 20 and skiing was extremely rare.
5. You’re all getting really damn good. We were all reminiscing on the chairlift how being able to slide a rail used to make you the best kid on the hill. On Sunday I saw more switchups than a Level 1 video, and some of them actually looked good.

1. Ski resorts should set up “ski and stay” packages with really seedy motels such as the Knight’s Inn in Bennington. Not only are they inexpensive, but you don’t sleep all night because “No Country for Old Men” nightmares keep you very alert.
2. No more lame-ass storms that don’t even reach the Poconos or Adirondacks. DC, Baltimore, and Philly do not need snow. Although, I hear freestyle cross-country stars are getting tons of urban shots.
3. Bubble chairlifts. Mount Snow makes a big deal about their old chairlift that had a pull-down bubble cover. Why the hell are we going backwards with lift technology? It was windy as shit up there, I could have used a cool Jetsons-style bubble for protection.
4. An outerwear company to make pants with a button and strap system that would hold up the back of my pants when I have sneakers on. This has nothing to do with the weekend, but I just always think that.
5. I never want to see someone wear a “G” or “Magic” suit again. And to the kid who combined the G jacket and Magic pants…how could you do that to me?