SUMMIT COUNTY, CO—Skier and non-writer Clayton Vila has taken the courageous step of penning an op-ed decrying the lack of creativity in competitive skiing and praising the inherent superiority of “film segments” just days after, coincidentally, releasing an aggregated mashup of his film segments from the year.

The piece provoked exactly no heated discussion, but contained the requisite mentions of “progression” and “Tanner Hall” to make it an instant hit with the esteemed editorial staff of Powder Magazine. Readers mostly yawned, though Simon Dumont was overheard proclaiming to no one, “That’s what ‘freestyle’ means? What a brain teaser! It’s, like, two words all dressed up as one.” [emphasis his]